Today’s Topic: Father’s Day – Just because your a father don’t make you a dad!
What is that? It’s hard to be happy about a day that was created to celebrate men. I’ve had very limited experiences with men that deserve to enjoy this day. Just like Mother’s day I guess with Father’s Day we can celebrate the men who have brought another human into the world. I have learned over the years to except people for who and what they are just because they have a certain title don’t mean they live up to that title. The men in my life and there were a few. My biological father I always knew who he was and would be around him from time to time until I was 5 then I didn’t see him again until I was 17. I am his only child, he was in and out of jail for most of my life, he was a heroin addict who passed away in 2012 (on Valentine’s Day) from complications from years of addiction. When he passed away I can say that we were friends. When my father came back in my life we struggled to build a relationship because I was angry, hurt and I didn’t understand his addiction. As the years went on we became closer, we built a friendship that was very unique filled with love, acceptance and understanding which allowed him to be the best grandfather he could be to his grandchildren. My step-dad and I use the term lightly because I don’t believe in “step”; this man came into my life when I was just 5 years old and I wasn’t really introduced to him until we were moving in to live with him and I was told that I had to call him dad and I had a new little sister. Today I can say that I love him but I spent a lot of time hating him. He was very abusive to me to the point that I pretty much grew up in the system. The system failed me because I was a child that was allowed to continuously be placed back in the home. I can honestly say that it wasn’t always bad but it was always hard. Growing up I had a love hate relationship with him when it was good it was really good but when it was bad I was terrified of him. By the time he passed in 2003 I can say that we were friends and had an understanding. By this time he and I had mended our relationship and I understood why he treated me the way he did and was at peace about our situation. My maternal grandfather from what I remember was one of the best representations of a man that I can remember. I loved my granddad and he was very caring and loving but he lived in Detroit so I was only around him on limited occasions until he died. My paternal grandfather, what can I say? Most of my memories of him are from when I was around the family when I was very young. I spent time with him doing family things and reunions in the beginning but when I reunited with my family at the age of 17 he was living in New Jersey and he would only come to town a few times a year and our interaction was one of I love you because I’m suppose to not because I felt that he really loved me. And our relationship has progressively gotten more and more strained now that my father has passed. I love him but I don’t feel like I’m part of the family and he don’t show that I’m part of the family and now that I have moved across the country to California it’s like we don’t have a relationship at all. I could go on and on with my stories of the men in my life but they are pretty much the same. They were around but I knew who they were but it wasn’t much representation of what a dad should be. I can say that out of all the men in my life I do have a man that when and if I get married I wouldn’t mind mirroring my husband after and that would be my “cousin-uncle-dad” I call him this because he is my cousin but I grew up calling him uncle because he was so much older than me and dad because he and his wife took me in one of the times I left home and this was the only time I can honestly say that I lived in a loving home. I watched him love, nurture, care for, give and understand on those around him to a point that sometimes I didn’t even know how to receive it. This was the only time in my life that I personally seen and received a dad in action and for him it gave me hope that GREAT dad’s do exist. So I will end this post with the same thing that started it…..being a father don’t make you a dad but it is the holiday to honor all those that brought children into this world. HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to all the father’s in the world God bless and we must do better by our children.
Many Blessings & Much Love